Beautiful Disaster - Jon McLaughin
To begin I should let you know that I am someone who has been called many things. What kind of things? Well I've been called; nice, mean, loud, smart, stupid, strong, stubborn, prideful, and many other things. Most recently people have decided that I am a mess. They also really enjoy pointing this out, frequently. Well guess what, you are all very very right. I am a hot damn mess and I will not pretend to be anything less. Life has been interesting for me, a roller coaster of emotions and events that I can neither predict nor control. A few lines from the song posted above describe me really well "She's not a drama queen, she doesn't want to feel this way, only seventeen but tired, she would change everything for happy ever after, caught in the in between of beautiful disaster" You see I sometimes wish my life was a fairy tale, that things always worked out for the best and every tear cried brought some wonderful change that altered my reality forever for the best. Unfortunately, I live in the real world. I am not a beautiful put together princess who knows that at the end of each storm there will be a marvelous rainbow with a pot of gold and my prince to make everything alright. However I know that everything I've been through I've gotten through by having faith that no matter how unfair it seems God has a bigger plan for me that I will one day understand and appreciate it. So to those of you who don't feel comfortable with the fact that I am not completely put together feel free to not be part of my life. I will not work to gain the love and appreciation of people that can not appreciate me for who I am. You will not be the first to choose to keep your distance from me and you will probably not be the last but I sincerely wish you the best and I hope your ability to be uphased by life continues to make you happy. I wish life had given me equal proportions of lemons and sugar so that my lemonade could be to your tastes but I am working on making it less bitter. I know that I am a good person, I try hard to be the best friend, student, daughter, sister, and aunt anyone could ask for. I'm full of love, in spite of being conditioned to hate, and that is honestly so much more important to me than not being a mess. I expect a lot from the people in my life I invest my time, energy, and love in, not because I'm a hypocrite but because I expect a lot from myself. So yes, I am a mess but I'm realizing that I'm okay with that. After all the broken often need the broken to find wholeness much more that they need the judgement of others. I would love to help as many people as possible.
So yes I am a tired, disgruntled, discontent, bitter mess in progress but I wouldn't have it any other way.
Remember I am perfect only in my imperfection =)
