Amazing Love: How Can It Be?

"A Woman Like You"- Lee Brice
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbAp5nphTz4

"You know I get sick deep-sea fishin’
And you make the best fried chicken
I got a hopeless golf game
I love the sound of your name
I might miss that old green ‘Nova
But I love watchin’ you do yoga
I’d take a gold band on my hand
Over being a single man
Cause honestly I don’t know what I’d do
If I’d never met a woman like you."




Is that not the sweetest thing you have ever heard? Like I'm in love with this song because I think it is so honest and playful and sweet. The message of anything you have to give up being completely worth it really strikes me. I would die to have some guy sing that to me and mean it.
See love isn't something I am comfortable with at all. I frankly just don't really understand it. Now don't take that as I don't love people. If anything, I love people to a fault. Like if I get to a point in a relationship with someone that I love them I'm all in forever. My friends and family are my world and there is nothing I wouldn't do for them and I think of them all the time. I just don't rally feel like someone other people can love. Not because I'm self deprecating I know how I am and what I deserve I just still can't grasp it. Maybe it's the whole daddy issues thing because I am kind of uncomfortable with real love from a male figure, especially an unconditional kind. "Love? I have never even heard of it. Even the sound of it offends me." –Peter Pan. As childish as that sounds really portrays my view on love. I don't really understand it so I mock it because it makes me uncomfortable. I've never wanted to be in a couple where it's all touchy feely and gross but I do really want someone to give me "that look", the one of complete adoration and respect one day.
The hardest part of Christianity for me is ultimately accepting that a power so strong and wise would ever desire me and love me as a child. Like since when am I not just that person people use when it is convenient? The fact that God pursues me constantly and wants to spend eternity with me blows my mind. It makes me want to work harder to deserve it. There is an amazing quote:

"Popular culture tells us: Find the right person and fall in love.
God tells us: become the right person and walk in love."

As I go into yet another new chapter of my life my main goal is to constantly work and strive to be that better person. He has made a good work in me and as long as I dedicate my life to sticking as close to his plan as possible he will provide everything I need. I'm starting now to think about and pray for the person I believe God has waiting for me and I am excited to learn to walk always in love with God so I will be more prepared for other types of love in the future.

Hold Me Together

Hold Me Together - Royal Tailor
I think I've decided each blog post will have a correlating Youtube video.
Hold me together has recently become one of my favorite songs because it brings up the fact that I am often unsure how far God's love reaches and if he can hold me together.

Hello Mercy
I have been searching for you lately
I've been wounded and from what I hear
You have remedy

• Mercy is defined as something that gives evidence of divine favor. This weekend I was definitely reminded of how I am favored by the lord. Recently I have felt that life was falling apart. I got angry and discouraged. Rather than dwelling in the Lord I got down on myself because shockingly I can not do it all on my own. I desire a remedy to who I am, how I feel, and what is happening. I did not realize that what I needed all along was a savior and that all he wanted was for me to ask for his help.

They told me You would be for me
So now I need to know
Is this a love that can save me
Or say You will then don't
Will You stay with me when nobody is around
If this is real, then tell now

• The they in this reminds me of some of the youth leaders in my life. These people constantly help me and remind me of who I am and who Christ wants me to be. No matter what they tell me though it is in my nature to question everything. I don't have a lot of trust so believing that there is a love true and strong and pure enough to save me is really hard. I have been told I was loved before but the way it was displayed proved it was fleeting and selfish, I am so thankful to have a God that will stay with me when no one else is around. It is real and he tells me everyday through the peace in my life I have never had before.

Can you hold me together
Can your love reach down this far
Can you hold me together
Cause without You holding my heart
I'm falling apart
Falling apart

• So when I first heard this I thought of it as a question but now I see it as more and more of a plea. Lord can You PLEASE PLEASE hold me together! I'm falling apart. Please tell me your love can reach all the way down and save little ole me. Hold my heart in it hand. Thaw it out and make it beat for you again. I know I question you but I want to know if you can save me. I want to see you become my everything. Can you handle me? My heart is heavy and keeping me from falling apart won't be easy. Do you love me enough?  Hurry Jesus. I don't want to completely break!

Saying so long, been lost, been gone
Not sure what to pray
It's not easy but I know You see me
When I lose my way

• This part makes me want to turn things around. I walk away sometimes...especially when I'm angry or hurt. I've been gone a while and I'm so lost in this world when all along I should have been lost in my relationship with Jesus. I should have been seeking that love and peace rather than some fleeting worldly comfort. Praying has not been easy for me so basically I just talk to God like he's a friend. I yell at him, I cry to him, I tell him all of my stupid little secrets. It is hard to be out on the line. To acknowledge my shortcomings, but I know he he sees my heart. He sees the depths of all I am and still loves me. When I stray he is right there, loving me, calling my name, and waiting for me to come running back.

I keep on floating not knowing
If there is more for me
Don't want to sink beneath waves of negativity
I'm going under,
I'm afraid that I might drown
If this is real,
I need you now

• This part again reminds me of my wanderings. When life knocks me down and I feel like I am so low I can't get up I tend to grow stagnate just rolling with the punches that are thrown. I do have negative tendencies and it is so easy for me to ignore my many blessings and focus on the bad. I don't want to do that I want to take joy in the fact that each wave that knocks me over leads to me being stronger and wiser when I get back up. I really do get scared sometimes because I can't pull myself out of my despair. The amazing thing is I am not supposed to. When my world is crumbling I can always cling to the cross and in the Lord's abundant love there is absolutely no room for my negativity but only a love that pulls everyone into the joy of light.

I'm feeling stronger
With you by my side
And I realize You are my hope
I need to know


The lord is my HOPE! He will never leave me and in that is my strength. Self reliance and independence will only lead to a farther fall because I am nothing without my savior. He is my light and my peace and I need to do a better job of showing that. Each day is new and I'm growing up a little bit more slowly changing from a beautiful disaster into the beautiful creation I was meant to be.